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Thank God for this, because it should move you to change direction away from self and back to Love. Airline stewards always tell you that, in the event of an emergency, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself first, Why? After divorce we want to help you learn to let go of many things, slow down, take rest, get help, pray more, talk things out, solve problems, find solutions, create a new life, and learn to forgive. Skip a meal, forgo a new purchase, go without your favorite TV show and offer it up (united with Christ’s perfect sacrifice). Bible: This doesn't mean accepting unfairness; it means not letting it control you. Don’t blame; instead get smart, try to look past the surface to the real problem, and find a workable solution. And maybe ask God to help you grow up a little (or a lot). Prov Catechism: Interior repentance is a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end of sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed . CCC 1431 Oh, how we all struggle with “needs” versus “wants”! Anticipate all your annual expenses, including birthdays, holidays, school, vacations, new tires, doctor and dentist visits, etc. Scripture tells us it would be wise to try to settle your issues before you get into the courtroom. Court battles can make you feel like you got sent straight to jail for having a failed marriage.It is a maturity that takes responsibility for one's sins. These are invaluable life-lessons that you can pass along to your children . Bible: Read the story of Eli, a godly man, who was a loving but weak parent who failed to teach his sons respect for their father or for the Lord. Despite your feelings, try to see the other person as God does, and act in a way that is kind, generous, and mature. Still waiting for that child support check to come? Most people never learned to live on a budget, even within their marriage. “Prison” can be losing parental rights or getting stuck with paying crippling legal fees, or both.But when spouses separate or civilly divorce after forming emotional, sexual, financial, parental, social, and spiritual bonds—becoming “one”—they do not separate . Our goal is to help you discover the truth of your identity and your security. No one will experience divorce quite the same way you do. You could have risen to the top of the company and retired early, but not now.No role in marriage (spouse or parent) should ever be the center of your life; that place is reserved for God alone. Most people enter marriage with still-unhealed wounds from their past. It may seem that ALL of life’s golden opportunities have passed you by. And on top of that you are alone to face caring for your children and your aging parents.Many therapists offer internet or telephone support. Do-it-yourself saves money on car washes, but might be stupid when it comes to healing from divorce. While in an overarching way He is completely “in control”, He also let go (in a sense) of that control so we could have free will. Because from that greatest evil came the greatest GOOD . Real love does not keep a child “safely” locked away from all pain. “God willed that mans should be ‘left in the hand of his own counsel,’ so that he might of his own accord seek his Creator and freely attain his full and blessed perfection by cleaving to him.” CCC 1730You’re not alone, we all struggle with forgiveness!God does not WILL evil, but he PERMITS it, to safeguard the gift of our free will. But God also promises from the hurtful things that happen to bring forth a GREATER GOOD. Real love stands by faithfully, helping the child to grow from it. But when you learn more about this complex topic, and if you let God’s grace work in you, you’ll get there.Not to discount injustices and pain that you have suffered, but these are some unexpected treasures that can be yours! Mark -26 Catechism: (The heart’s) Conversion is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation . Taking up one’s cross each day and following Jesus is the surest way of penance. It makes the child feel safer when you tell the truth. • Always expect respect, but don’t intimidate or demand. • Encourage your child to join you in turning to God for help and comfort.CCC 1435 Feelings of guilt can be like warning gauges on the car: they signal that something is wrong and we SHOULD pay attention to them. • Encourage the child to use his reason, not just his emotions. • Request an apology from them if they owe it to you or others in the family. • Never tolerant abusive attitudes, language, or behavior. Bible: Proverbs -24 Catechism: Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. • A naïve hope that time alone will make things better • Knowing what to do but being too proud, scared, cheap, or undisciplined to do it • Blaming, being unwilling or not knowing how to forgive • A doubt that God will bring justice in His own time • An emotional attachment (a “payoff”) to being a victim of divorce • Staying stuck in the role of protector of one of the parents These ways of thinking/acting need to be surrendered—along with one’s entire life—to a loving Lord.
(Lumen Gentium) CCC 970 People are made to bond with each other at various appropriate levels. People cry when their parents die, their best friend moves away, or their co-worker is transferred. Marriage is meant to be the highest level of union between people, uniting husband and wife into “one flesh”. It’s two unique individuals who form an intimate, deeply personal communion that mirrors the loving union of the Persons in the Trinity: they remain separate, but in a sense they also ‘disappear’ into each other at the same time. They merge, meld, and give themselves totally to one another. From that union should come great security, love, peace, and joy. When it’s lost, panic arises, and a person may often fight or flounder to grab hold of a quick substitute. CCC 1607 You may look at others who seem to heal more quickly, or even your ex-spouse who seems to have moved on. Each person is unique and unrepeatable; the way each experiences divorce will be just as unique.
If there is no Decree of Nullity, the other person is still a spouse even if common life has ended. (2) Try to clearly identify how you two got to this point so that you can work to solve the crises.
Divorce is hard enough, but separation has its own unique pain because there's no finality, no apparent moving back or forward. The first thing to do is stay open to reconciliation, if possible. Many couples make a sincere effort to get back together, but their core problems have not been addressed.
When you are willing to begin to put Him at the center of your heart, He will heal you from the inside out. Bible: Gen Catechism: …the first sin had for its first consequence the rupture of the original communion between man and woman. They also bring huge hopes and dreams for the future. As they say, “life sucks and then you die.” The healing of divorce thus requires your willingness to eventually to why you were born in the first place, why God made you, and where you are headed for eternity.
In between all that is an unrealistic view of the world in general that they hope will be disproved as life passes. Too often, our marriage and family has become our “god” and when we lose it we suffer deep and dark, fearful, and frantic insecurities.
Many say that through their divorce they finally found God; they grew closer to Him, changed their lives, and found deep inner peace. And in the meantime, consider asking God to show • A feeling • Letting the other person off the hook • Forgetting the wounds he/she caused you • Blindly trusting him or her again (that may be very irresponsible!